


If You Ever Come Back

by nannyslf



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 11:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nannyslf/pseuds/nannyslf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn left Harry and he  can't cope with that. He keeps hoping Zayn we'll eventually come back, because after all they belong together.<br/>Slightly inspired in the song of The Script, called "If You Ever Comeback";</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Ever Come Back

“And by leaving my door open, I’m risking everything I own. There’s nothing I can lose in a break-in that you haven’t taken.”  
— If You Ever Come Back, The Script 

The empty house felt too strange for Harry. The lack of Zayn’s presence was everywhere and it made him sick to death. He would just lay in his bed and wish… wish… and wish once again. He wished for things to go back, for Zayn to come home, he even wanted the bad things back. So he could have the good.  
Zayn’s clothes were still thrown everywhere, like he was living there, though he no longer was. His scent continued to domain the place, even if he was absent. Harry lived his life like Zayn was still with him. Two plates in the table, sleeping on his side of the bed, living their routine. He refused to accept it. It was better to pretend than accept the truth. The horrible truth was that Zayn was gone, have left him and no matter how hard he tried, the many calls he made and all their arguing about it, Zayn did not want to come back. So, he was all alone.  
Alone. The meaning of the word on the dictionary was: Having no one else present; on one's own. But it felt like so much more than that. Harry knew what it truly meant, it meant to sleep alone, eat alone and miss someone so badly that it became a physical pain; it meant having nightmares and then wake up finding no one to hold you, and most of all, it meant to be frozen in a world that continued to move fast.  
He was blue with sadness! Wasn’t that funny? No, it wasn’t. It was tragic, melancholic and very much miserable. To miss one person is to exist on a permanent living hell where all you can see and experience is the memories and moments you can never quiet reach or relive in your head perfectly, because there will always be missing pieces of it. This is the type of thing that makes you desire a perpetual rest, because there’s not only the ache of losing the person, but also to slowly and ever so consistent loss of the things you shared with them. Everything feels sliding between your fingers.  
Harry could still remember a lot of things. The day they spent on the beach and it was sunny, bright and lovely. In his mind he could still picture vividly it, the way Zayn’s eyes seemed to capture the light and his dark hair dripping with perfect drops of water, he took a lot of mental pictures of that. But, those seemed to be burning on its corners and it scared him to hell. It wasn’t enough to lose Zayn, now he was losing his portraits of him? There was more, things he considered hallows that were saved in his mind with ink. Zayn’s soft kiss, his strawberry shampoo, and the way he smiled after waking up being pecked on the lips, how the morning sunlight framed his face, and his voice. It was raspy and sweet like honey pouring, making Harry feel so crazy on the inside. Also his stupid “Cool Kids Don’t Dance” t-shirt, he loved it to death.  
These were Zayn’s pieces, things Harry saved so he could put him back together if he ever left. And he did leave, for months now. The worst part of it was that no matter how hard Harry tried to do it, he failed miserable at it. Zayn couldn’t be restituted, he was impossible to hold or copy. The real person, the true Zayn was too bright, too complex for Harry to really understand and the person he tried to remember was a weak copy of it.  
When they first met, Harry could no fathom Zayn at all. He was this mysterious, silent kid with a very disturbing beauty that spoke so much to Harry, it scared him. How could someone’s features talk to him? And yet, Zayn’s told him stories of perfection, bliss and melancholia, all at once. It hit him hard on the guts and as the days passed, he could not forget Zayn. He had never felt like that before, it was weird and intense, but most of all made him feel so alive. The moment he realized it, was when he knew that Zayn was one of the kind and that he wanted nobody else. So he searched for him and they started to date.  
There was this one night were they talked and talked on the phone for hours about everything and Harry never liked somebody this much on his entire life. Zayn was funny, grumpy, lovely and so much more. He was intelligent too, he knew things and talked about life in a way that it made it seem way better than it really was. He told him with endless fascination about books Harry had never read before — but always wanted to — like The Beautiful and Damned, Lolita and On the Road. On the next day, he bought them all. They talked about their lives and Zayn spoke about his hopes and fears, his infancy and dreams to fly and touch the stars. He was an unusual person and Harry told him so, in response Zayn laughed and replied “Why would I want to be like anyone else if I can be just me? Normal is overrated.” Harry was overwhelmed with this human being.  
But Zayn was a bird. The roots he created could never last so long, he was always craving for places and freedom, and after a while he begun to feel trapped with Harry. After a year or so, the fights started and he cried and complained, demanding his free will and for Harry to stop smothering him. Nothing ever hurt like those words. Harry didn’t think he was trapping Zayn, they were in a relationship, things like possession and caring are natural, he was a little bit clingy — Harry was very aware of that fact about himself — but that was because he loved Zayn. It was love, it didn’t need explanations whatsoever. Zayn didn’t see it that way, though.  
When Zayn flew away it felt like Harry’s world fell apart. He life divided to a before and after him, and the result was no pretty. He was miserable without him and the pain consumed him insanely. How can someone destroy you so? But, soon Harry figured out that that was the meaning of love, to give someone the power to break you and trust them with it. He trusted Zayn, but it wasn’t enough, so now he was left in unmatching pieces. It was horrible to lose someone, because you can’t believe, accept it or live without them. How are you supposed to go on with a broken heart? Nothing works and life just seems stuck. He was stuck.  
There were letters, he wrote one a day and sometimes he even sent a few, but Zayn never responded. That was his latest:  


My dear Zayn,  
I miss you.  
But it’s not just that, I’m dying. You absence fills my world and I can’t bare it. It feels like I’m drowning and you are nowhere near to save me.  
I’m trying to stay positive, though. During the time we were together you taught me a lot of things, how to be strong and never give up, to face the world with a steady smile and never let my hopes fade away. So, I keep hoping for you.  
Are you ever coming home? I’m waiting here patiently for you. Despite of what you may think, I’m not mad. I just miss you, that’s all.  
I want you to know that you are always on my mind and forgive you for all the craziness and the fights and the bipolarity of your behavior. I know you hated yourself when you acted like that, but I ask you not to, because this is part of who you are and you are a beautiful person, Zayn.  
Your beauty could move mountains and stop the world at times, excuse me for being so cliché. But, I just wanted you to know how powerful you are. I believe in you so strongly, you are extraordinary and unique. I cherish all the moments we spent together and I want to thank you for everything.  
Thank you for being you and making me feel so alive when the world seemed so black and white. You brought colors and layers into my life and enjoyed it all. We made sense and even if it was brief, I’ll always keep what we had in perfect place inside of me.  
You saved me from myself, from the void of my life and I never truly thanked you for that. I guess you only really realize things like that after the person is gone. I’m so sorry that I made you feel trapped, but I hope that’s not all you took from our time together. There were great things too.  
Remember that night we spent on the backyard of you parents summer house? How we counted stars and drank cheap wine in paper cups? It all sounds like poetry to me now. That was the happiest moment of my life. When people ask me my most loved memory, I’ll always say that. How you quoted in my ears beautiful book’s passages and we slept in each others’ arms. I never felt more loved in my entire existence.  
This is why I can’t let go. The things I have with you, I can’t have with no one else and I don’t even want to. You gave me things that I know nobody else will be able to. Once upon a time I fell in love with you Zayn and this story has no ending. It forever be the pieces of you and me, I can’t forget it. I’ll never will.  
In case you want to know, I’m waiting for you to come back. The clothes you left are still on the side of the wardrobe as your pillow, shampoo, perfume and forgotten discs and books. I’ll keep them carefully guarded until your back.  
I know you belong here with me and I’m holding on to that for as long as I breathe Zayn, so if you’re ever lonely and missing your home, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here for you, my darling.  
I found this song that describes perfectly our current situation, I just thought of writing down a bit for you here:  
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss  
Oh just remember this, oh just remember this

I'll leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back  
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now  
Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back

And it will be just like you were never gone

I mean it, Zayn. I’ll try my hardest to make it feel like you never gone. You just have to take a step and I’ll meet you halfway, I’ll carry you the whole way if it’s needed.  
I just miss you. Come home, okay?  
Love you like crazy, Harry.  


Harry waited for months for an answer and it felt like once more, he was getting no reply. But, one day a package came through the mail. It had a paper cup, a bottle of wine and a copy of Tender is the Night by Fitzgerald — one of Zayn’s favorites. He always talked about buying one to Harry, but never actually did. — And a note that said:

“Think how you love me. I don't ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside me there'll always be the person I am tonight.”  
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night  
Thank you for not giving up on me.  
We’ll me halfway, just wait for me.  
Z.  


And that was all Harry have been praying for.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it! :)


End file.
